Welcome to the show!
Susie Connerley is back for more great advice and discussion in our final installment of this four-part series. Today's discussion is regarding damage from blame in voice and communication. Find the other episodes, as well as Susie's first episode with me, below in the show notes.
Today we will discuss blame, why it's so important to take responsibility and the incredible things that happen when you eradicate blame from your voice and your communication.
Blame is very problematic with regards to tone and taking responsibility so you can communicate effectively. We've covered expectations, people-pleasing, and boundaries in the other episodes.
What are boundaries? They are the invisible lines - physical, mental, emotional, or through your voice. There are a lot of different ways to set boundaries, cross boundaries, and have your boundaries crossed. This is a hot topic but many people don't realize that they have to work through their own issues before they can their own boundaries from a healthy place. Most people learn about boundaries - or the lack thereof - in their childhood from their parents.
You serve others and yourself better when you set boundaries, but there is this misconception with boundaries that people interpret you as being mean, inconsiderate, pushy, unloving, shutting others out, a jerk, etc. Because of this, many of us swing between either no boundaries or too many boundaries.
Boundaries are not meant to be negative. When implemented and respected correctly, they set up a really good understanding and expectations. People like to know where the lines are (some people don’t and that’s a red flag) and this creates healthy respect and balance in relationships.
What about when people feel wounded and rejected by others’ boundaries? Is it because we take it personally or we’re not able to get what we want? Are our expectations unmet? You have to be really conscious about what your motives are when relating to other people. Each person is unconsciously wanting something from each interaction and you have to be very honest with yourself to check your own motivations and process your own emotions. Why am I not setting a boundary? Why do I not like the boundary you’re setting? Am I willing to give up part of my boundary (or cross yours) because I want something in return? Boundaries are tested usually as a power play or testing to see how far they can go/what they will be able to get away with, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Is there a fear of setting boundaries because of one’s desire to avoid conflict and have everything be “OK”? People make excuses and reason away others’ actions and avoiding confrontation which only sets the stage for that behavior to happen again and again. You have to decide you are worth more. Acknowledge how much time and energy you spend trying to make other people happy. What are you giving up in the long run for your temporary comfort or avoidance of conflict? We teach people how to treat us by the boundaries that we do or don't set. Give yourself permission to be OK with what you want.
Get out there and speak your truth; just do it beautifully.
Susie Connerley is a Rapid Transformational Therapist who has been working in the wellness arena for 11 years to maximize results, help people achieve real change and become more of who they truly are. With a background in psychology, energy therapy, and meditation, she has a unique ability to see the origin of where people are shutting themselves down and help them come into full empowerment. Susie is on a mission to revolutionize the way we communicate in our relationships by connecting to who we truly are and finding and freeing our voices for good.
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